Time to be 100% real with you.
I am not ready for this. My dad has been telling me this since April 8 when I got hurt and like a normal teenager I chose not to believe him. Well I should have listened to him and I am learning that now... But I am NOT one to quit. I HATE walking away and MOST OF ALL I feel like I am letting SO many people down.
Behind The Scenes:
I know it's long but I promise it's interesting..
UPDATE ON MY INJURY
A week ago I was still in excruciating pain from my injury. My Orthopedic Doctor and My Physical Therapists said I should be feeling FINE. Well I wasn't. It was getting worse and on top of it I was so tired. Listen, I haven't taken a nap since I was 5.... I can't do it, I don't know why. And all of a sudden I was sleeping all day all night and I was still exhausted. I lost ALL motivation to do anything. I couldn't even walk up the stairs.. Yep I was falling asleep on the couch almost every night. SO UNLIKE ME! I am usually the first one in the gym pushing myself like crazy....... I knew something was up.
So I went to the Chiropractor. He took some X-Rays and then came back into the room, sat me down, and starting asking me a few questions. The first question he asked me was - Have you been sleeping more than usual? YES YES YES.
Then he showed my my X-Rays....
UPDATE ON MY INJURY
A week ago I was still in excruciating pain from my injury. My Orthopedic Doctor and My Physical Therapists said I should be feeling FINE. Well I wasn't. It was getting worse and on top of it I was so tired. Listen, I haven't taken a nap since I was 5.... I can't do it, I don't know why. And all of a sudden I was sleeping all day all night and I was still exhausted. I lost ALL motivation to do anything. I couldn't even walk up the stairs.. Yep I was falling asleep on the couch almost every night. SO UNLIKE ME! I am usually the first one in the gym pushing myself like crazy....... I knew something was up.
So I went to the Chiropractor. He took some X-Rays and then came back into the room, sat me down, and starting asking me a few questions. The first question he asked me was - Have you been sleeping more than usual? YES YES YES.
Then he showed my my X-Rays....
This is what your neck is supposed to look like... See how it is bending forward.
Well my neck is what they call a "military neck" - it is straight up and my C3 and C4 are starting to bend backwards actually. This means that my brainstem is also facing the wrong direction. This causes the brain to misinterpret signals. Therefore I am tired all of the time and in a lot of pain.
How do they fix this? .... A lot of neck cracking. Painful neck cracking. I have gone 4 times so far and it hasn't really moved.
HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN:
If you knew me in grade school around the 7th grade you know I wore a neck brace to school.... Yep got made fun of SO MUCH (Jimmy and Joey...). Anyways, the reason I was in a neck brace is because I got smacked in the face with a soccer ball, got a concussion, and pulled ligament in my neck. Yeah I am a walking disaster, yeah I need to live in a bubble. This trauma actually pushed my neck back and therefore it's been like thsi for 7ish years. And of course it chooses NOW to flare up... Thanks body.
Yeah, scary stuff my friends.
Well my neck is what they call a "military neck" - it is straight up and my C3 and C4 are starting to bend backwards actually. This means that my brainstem is also facing the wrong direction. This causes the brain to misinterpret signals. Therefore I am tired all of the time and in a lot of pain.
How do they fix this? .... A lot of neck cracking. Painful neck cracking. I have gone 4 times so far and it hasn't really moved.
HOW AND WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN:
If you knew me in grade school around the 7th grade you know I wore a neck brace to school.... Yep got made fun of SO MUCH (Jimmy and Joey...). Anyways, the reason I was in a neck brace is because I got smacked in the face with a soccer ball, got a concussion, and pulled ligament in my neck. Yeah I am a walking disaster, yeah I need to live in a bubble. This trauma actually pushed my neck back and therefore it's been like thsi for 7ish years. And of course it chooses NOW to flare up... Thanks body.
Yeah, scary stuff my friends.
"So you're just going to Quit Samm?"
LOL. You funny. HELL NO. Actually last night I had a breakdown. I wanted to quit, I was so overwhelmed.
THANK GOODNESS I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS.
(but seriously she's put up with me for this long? KUDOS)
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.... I WAS STILL A BRAT AT THE AGE OF 5
THANK GOODNESS I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS.
(but seriously she's put up with me for this long? KUDOS)
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.... I WAS STILL A BRAT AT THE AGE OF 5
SO ANYWAYS, I honestly feel like I am letting so many people down. My friends, my family, people who look up to me, my coach, and especially my CHAARG girls who have been my inspiration since Day 1.
Then I get this text message >>>
And I have a HUGE epiphany. She is so right. I will do it when I am ready. It may take me longer than I want but WHY does the date matter? Why is September 14th so important? It is just a day.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT when I say you will see me on that stage and you will see me bring home a trophy. I DO NOT GIVE UP and I will NOT back down. It;s my life, my fight and I am going to get there. Regardless, how long it takes me. It is not about starvinbg myself or working out for hours and hours. It is about enjoying the process. Having fun. and KILLING IT. I have every intention to do that.
BUT I need to get better first. I need to be able to walk up the stairs without almost passing out. I need to let my back heal so I can finally squat again.
No I am not saying I won't compete in September but I will CHILL OUT. and I will ONLY get up there if I think I am ready. Yeah I feel like I am letting you down. But guess what? I am not giving up. I would never. This means so much to me.
Then I get this text message >>>
And I have a HUGE epiphany. She is so right. I will do it when I am ready. It may take me longer than I want but WHY does the date matter? Why is September 14th so important? It is just a day.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT when I say you will see me on that stage and you will see me bring home a trophy. I DO NOT GIVE UP and I will NOT back down. It;s my life, my fight and I am going to get there. Regardless, how long it takes me. It is not about starvinbg myself or working out for hours and hours. It is about enjoying the process. Having fun. and KILLING IT. I have every intention to do that.
BUT I need to get better first. I need to be able to walk up the stairs without almost passing out. I need to let my back heal so I can finally squat again.
No I am not saying I won't compete in September but I will CHILL OUT. and I will ONLY get up there if I think I am ready. Yeah I feel like I am letting you down. But guess what? I am not giving up. I would never. This means so much to me.
If you've gotten this far.....
Thank you so much for reading this and hopefully understanding. I hope you don't think less of me or feel like I am giving up.
XXXXXXXX, S
XXXXXXXX, S